Sunburned and Sore Feet

The signs of a good hike, according to this woman:

When you have to hike 4 miles to get to a sign that warns of a tough hike ahead, trust that sign.

And I needed a good hike.  It was that or a long run, and I liked the sound of a long day in the sun.  So we went to Sand Canyon, which was a little sandy, and a little canyon-y.

And pretty, which is important. I'm very superficial when it comes to appreciating nature.

It is a real joy to have a Good Hiking Partner.  Good conversation when it's time to talk, and no sound at all when it's time to consider just how quiet it is on the trail.

I don't know what sound he makes.  Lizards could be good hiking partners.

I like to engage new people, get them talking.  I like to listen.  I wonder if I'm digging, to see if they're the kind of person I would like to add to my collection.

Do other people put as much thought into making friends?

That sun.

A sign of a Good Hiking Partner: Looks contemplative without prompting.

Somehow I managed to not get stabbed by any pokey plants.

Someone should knock down these outdated homes and put up condos.

Then, because enough is rarely enough for me, and we had the opportunity to add a third to our merry duo, we went back out for a quick 6-mile loop the next day.

Long sleeves > Sunscreen

Rock Creek Trail unsurprisingly was both rocky and (dry) creek-y. Simple but effective naming out here.

Cactus blooms.

I'm not slow, I'm just waiting for my feet to catch up.

I told some stories on the trail.  One I don't remember where I learned, but I learned it a long time ago, and it's changed a dozen times since. This was my best telling.  One I heard from a friend, I assume.  I remember hearing the second half of the story, which I haven't yet told.  The second half brings back the first half of the story in my mind, but I don't remember ever hearing it told.

The hot summer winds will blow me back to the valley.

If I thought I could get away with it

The discussion in clinic today: pain.

One of my favorite topics, because

I didn't take this photo, obviously. I've never been to Vietnam.

is really friggin' difficult to reconcile with 

If it's got sensation, it probably hurts.

so clearly pain isn't as simple as the layman might believe.  I've learned enough about pain now that I feel comfortable saying I understand it, in the same way you might understand how eyes see or how ears hear.

But anyway. This isn't about pain. One of the tangents we went off on was how to talk to people about their pain.  Hugely useful.  One of the models we talked about dealt with classifying people according to various traits relevant to the best way to treat them, emotionally/motivationally/etc.  A point the clinician talking made which had everyone in the room nodding was: If the interaction goes poorly make sure you later go over what went wrong in your head -- establish where the disconnect was and approach that patient differently next time.

Which just makes me think that might not be what people do in every conversation.  Every interaction with a person deserves reflection, or how will you get better at interacting with people? I always considered myself an awkward youth. I still feel awkward much of the time - I still have to remind myself to look a waiter in the eye or I'll reflexively avoid even seeing their face.  But I know - through feedback from peers, instructors, and self-reflection - that in many circumstances I'm better at social interactions than my contemporaries.  I think the two are related.  Maybe other people are naturally good enough at dealing with fellow human beings that they're just coasting through their social interactions, never bothering to think about deliberate body language or mimicking vernacular or what smile is best to convey the idea "you're being a screw-up, and if you don't get your act together you'll never get better and I will discharge you without an ounce of guilt."

I've got this idea in my head that this whole "if you're not happy with something about yourself, improve it" thing started to develop in my adolescence. Maybe it was earlier, and I just didn't know it.

           Jack of all trades, master of none,

                       Certainly better than a master of one

Run to the East

Tomorrow, I leave for home, to see Bonnie for the first time since arriving here.

It is still home, though the house has moved and the town is different.

I read an article.

I also ran a bit today. I run most days.  As usual when I go to new places and deal with new people, I become more and less patient. I am more patient to hear a long story with very little useful information. I am less patient to hear lies from the mouths of alcoholics. I bear both with the same demeanor - but one gets my effort because I believe they deserve it, and one gets my effort because that's my job.

There is a lot of weakness here, and less anger than I feel there should be, or less anger than I want there to be.  So much has been taken from the people here, and now America gives back to them the bare minimum to keep them...happy?

And they're so nice.  I have yet to encounter so much as a sidelong glance at my white skin.  Part of me (the part that forgets I am currently trying to live here) wishes they would be furious.  That I would daily encounter someone so righteously angry at the mistreatment his people have endured that he makes it a mission to bring the reputation and pride of the Navajo nation to something above drunk and glass scattered along the side of the road.

There are some that are better.  Some who show the best they have to offer.

I wonder also if I'm not seeing a downtrodden native population, isolated from the rest of the country.  I wonder if maybe instead I'm just seeing poverty.  I don't know which is worse.

Did you know you can get rhabdo from drinking too hard?  Shameful.

Shameful.

Off

Just off today.  Rain, sleet, and snow.  Just felt off.

Almost died to get this shot. You should need extra training to drive an RV.

So many clouds, some of them got in my head.

The West accepts my presence, but I don't belong here. Not like I thought I did.  I remember when all I wanted was sand and heat and sun, and endless sweeping vistas.   Looking back, I thought I wanted space, but what I really wanted was a Somewhere.  Surely, with so much to choose from, Somewhere would be out here.

I don't think it exists.  I remember, when I was much younger, in years and memories and self-possession, talking a friend down from her psychic ledge.  I did it a few times, with a few friends.  It gets to you - from their vantage, they see answers on the valley floor - and sometimes I caught a glimpse.  Certainly, I can see: there is something missing.  There must be something missing, or there wouldn't be a void, a need.

So.  I wanted a Somewhere to be drawn to.  One to fill the void, to satiate the need.  I was mistaken in that; the void does not exist to be filled, it exists to pull.  Some days I swim with the current.  Some days, I'm happy to just float downstream.

#FOMO

I have a theory.  Or a guideline.  A guiding principle; that's the word.

O magnum mysterium,

It's better to suffer tomorrow for experiences today.  And so, I am up at 11:47p for my 6:00a wakeup.  Not an awfully short night, but a breaking of an otherwise strict schedule.

et admirabile sacramentum,

Not to do schoolwork, perish the thought -- obviously, I accomplished today's duties hours ago.  To make new friends, who I will probably never see again after tomorrow.  A little zen in my personal life.

ut animalia viderent Dominum natum,

 Dinner, getting a chinese, as Wendy would say.  Then, an impromptu dessert party, devolving quickly into a hunt for the perfect duet to sing with Katie.  Not my idea.  None of this night is my idea, but saying no is not part of the guiding principle.

It doesn't turn into a duet.  It turns into a trio.  Anyone will sing, given a safe place to do so.

jacentem in praesepio!

You find the best parts of people by giving them that safe place.  Those are the parts I want to experience.  Devoid of cynicism, fool among friends.

Beata Virgo, cujus viscera

But to find the best parts of yourself, you have to make your own safe place.  If you spend your time waiting for somebody to provide your safety, you will simply waste too much time.

meruerunt portare

So. Less cynical. More going along with mystery plans.  More yes.

Dominum Christum.

I ramble. I'm getting comfortable.  But in the back of my head, I wonder constantly, "am I still waiting?"

Alleluia.