Off

Just off today.  Rain, sleet, and snow.  Just felt off.

Almost died to get this shot. You should need extra training to drive an RV.

So many clouds, some of them got in my head.

The West accepts my presence, but I don't belong here. Not like I thought I did.  I remember when all I wanted was sand and heat and sun, and endless sweeping vistas.   Looking back, I thought I wanted space, but what I really wanted was a Somewhere.  Surely, with so much to choose from, Somewhere would be out here.

I don't think it exists.  I remember, when I was much younger, in years and memories and self-possession, talking a friend down from her psychic ledge.  I did it a few times, with a few friends.  It gets to you - from their vantage, they see answers on the valley floor - and sometimes I caught a glimpse.  Certainly, I can see: there is something missing.  There must be something missing, or there wouldn't be a void, a need.

So.  I wanted a Somewhere to be drawn to.  One to fill the void, to satiate the need.  I was mistaken in that; the void does not exist to be filled, it exists to pull.  Some days I swim with the current.  Some days, I'm happy to just float downstream.